Thought Catalog

Six Things I Learned From Sleepaway Camp

-Published on ThoughtCatalog.com on May 11, 2011–

1. Being in the “cool” cabin can get you a long way

Sleepaway camp is like high school, only it happens sooner and is more visceral in nature. Instead of worrying about where you sit at lunchtime, you must worry about which cabin you have been assigned. In other words, it’s not who you eat with, but who you sleep with that determines whether or not you are cool.

When you’re in the cool cabin, everything is easier. Your meals are delivered to your table faster than the other cabins; your counselors let you stay up later than curfew (or so you’ve heard); in matters of sports teams, bus rides, and trips to the lake you are always paired up with the hot boys cabin; and your counselors (who are “cool” as well) turn a blind eye to dress-code violations—while the other campers are trudging around in baggy tee-shirts and logo-less hats, the kids in the cool cabin get away with spaghetti strap tank tops, hoop earrings, seductively low jean shorts, and flip-flops.

The world is a cold, harsh place; you learn at this young age, but realize that there is a way to soften the blow. Maybe you weren’t assigned to the cool cabin (as a rule there is only one cool cabin per gender) but you can still be assigned to a neutral cabin. If there’s one thing I learned from sleep away camp, it’s that it’s better to be in the mediocre, plain Jane, “vanilla” cabin than it is to be in the cabin that doesn’t exist. Remember that summer when five girls were accidentally left at the lake? That’s because they were in Cabin 7…the invisible cabin.

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Four Features Missing From Facebook

–Published on ThoughtCatalog.com on May 16, 2011–

 

Dreams

Some naïve Facebookers might take this section literally. You’ll see profiles that read: End world hunger or Start my own film production company. Awesome. Pat on the back. That’s great, but really, I don’t care. What I’m looking for here are collaborative dreams, dreams that actually might get accomplished because someone else will read your profile and want to partner up with you. Dreams that make social networking worthwhile. For instance, if this were my profile, my dream would be to have someone write a hip-hop, baby-making R&B song about me, along the lines of something Baby Bash, Chingy, or Maxwell would write if they knew me. Obviously this is not something I can achieve on my own, so advertising it on Facebook would definitely help.

Gifts

Great idea, right? No more shitty (or non-existent) presents on your birthday! Now all of your friends, parents, and grandparents on Facebook can check in with your profile and see what you actually want for your birthday this year. Facebook has already achieved the impossible by turning normally self-centered, thoughtless, and forgetful young adults into regular (and timely) birthday wishers, so why not add the gifts section to it as well? Yes, digital birthday wishes are great, but tangible presents are way better.

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Man Completes Marathon in Snail Costume, Takes 26 Days

–Published on ThoughtCatalog.com on May 18, 2011–

 

Setting what is perhaps the world’s record for slowest marathon competitor ever, a 49 year-old British man from Essex finished the London Marathon in 26 days. Of course, this was probably due to fact that the man, former professional footballer, Lloyd Scott, completed the race facedown on a metal sled while dressed in a giant snail costume.

Averaging a mile a day on the 26.2-mile course, Scott claims he suffered from constant nosebleeds, pains, vomiting, and cramps. At one point he was even rushed to the hospital to have the blood vessels in his nose cauterized and often got sick inside of the costume because he had difficulty digesting food properly.

During the day he would “crawl” for eight hours—the equivalent of one mile— through the streets, coming face-to-face, literally, with debris such broken glass, nails, rotting food, and dog doo.

When he finally crossed the finish line nearly a month after the race began, he claimed, “That’s not an experience I want to repeat.”

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